I Turned 40 Today.

I turned 40 today. I have been spending time looking at celebrity and fashion magazines, paying particular attention to the ages of the women within the pages. I know they are not realistic comparisons, but I can hardly help myself. I wonder: Do I have any hotness left in me? I think I am actually lodged in my window of hotness. I’ve not made it all the way through and I could use a few buddies to butter me up and help to unwedge me. Perhaps then I will truly achieve my dream of being hot. I just need someone to keep a fan blowing through my hair, perfect lighting shining on my amazing makeup and someone Photoshoping my body in real time.

I ate way too much today. Think about your tastiest Thanksgiving ever. You ate huge portions of everything because it was THAT good. Even though you took every precaution by throwing fashion to the wind and wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants, surprisingly your clothing shrank by about four sizes by the end of the day. It could not have been anything you did, blame the clothing and cheap fabric. That’s what I do.

Anyhoo, my birthday was exactly like that except with gooey, pull apart cinnamon bread, Subway sandwiches and fudge. Oh, and the fact that I am lying in bed with no pants on at all and it is my skin that shrank those four sizes.

Over the years I have learned to gauge how much fun I have had by how sick I feel afterward. For example, I shopped at our neighborhood Walmart the other day. I had not been out of the house for a few days and I had a little cash burning a hole in my pocket. It was time for a little modest shopping. When I arrived home my joints were hurting at about a level 5 on the pain scale. You know that ridiculous chart at your doctor’s office with the faces illustrating pain levels? I was at a level 5 or as I call it, “the slight grimace”. This means I had a moderate level of fun. I can have fun anywhere people.

I spent my birthday eve with my lovely auntie and my beautiful mom visiting a local craft show. I was excited as it had been years since we had all been out and about together. The vendors were set up in the auditorium, as well as within the outdoor center of a local high school. We parked and made our way into the school from the parking lot. We entered the auditorium and I noticed that my back, feet, knees and legs were hurting already. By the time we made it around the initial set of tables, I needed to sit down.

We made our way outdoors and even with a playground of lovely creations at our fingertips, I could not think beyond my body. I had to keep eyeballing the area to plan ahead and spot the next chair, picnic table, ledge or sturdy person on which I could perch my aching self. I was ready to force any person wisely using their scooter to scootch over and share the ride. I only need room for one bun honestly. Just a bun. Is that too much to ask?

By the end of the day I had treasured the amazing laughs I had with my auntie, mom and uncle and my body was screaming out in pain. My uncle made us laugh until my mom and I both peed our pants. By the time I got home, I was in terrible pain and my pants were wet. I got all freshened up, downed some Advil and pain medication and laid down to recover. I was at the “kill me now” level of pain and I could not have been happier. I slept for a while and got up to the smiling faces of my mom and beautiful daughter. I went through the lovely gifts my sweet auntie and uncle had given me, the things my mom got for me and basked in my time with my girls.

I was so grateful that my soon to be ex came by and spent the day with our daughter, Lily. He arrived at 10 in the morning on Sunday with a big smile on his face. They had a great day together and that was a gift in itself.

Clearly this was a lovely birthday weekend. I went from a grimace to a kill me now. I had a LOT of fun. Thank you to my family and friends for all of my lovely birthday wishes and all of the love. I feel very appreciated and even though my body thinks it is 85 years old, my mind will always feel around 12. I am grateful for my loved ones and would not want it any other way.

I cannot believe I am 40 years old. After worrying about it over the last week, the day passed and I don’t feel any different. It really is just a number and I choose to live my life one moment and one laugh at a time. I had tons of laughs and my world is filled with people I love and who love me too. Perhaps next year rather than laughing until I pee my pants, I can barf or crap my pants instead. I’ll let you know what happens!